Birthday Thoughts

Okay, so I know this blog is for the kids and all, that and it's already a been over a month since my actual birthday, but I've been having some "getting older" thoughts brewing around in my head for some time now with nowhere to go. So, allow me a moment to get sentimental, get wordy, and sort through these "birthday thoughts" here...

There have been signs for awhile now, but on this last birthday it became obvious to me that I'm just not a kid anymore, in any sense of the word. I don't think I can even be considered a "young adult" anymore. Nope, I'm pretty sure I now stand firmly with both feet in the "adult" category. What's clued me in to this fact? Well, there are physical signs... for one thing my knees pop almost every time I bend down and if I spend any time at all bent over a table, or playing on the ground with the kids, I seem to have a hard time getting "unbent" without some sore muscles. Then there's also some mental changes, like when I see a teenager doing something, anything, more often than not I think to myself, "What on earth?" And I just can't relate. I don't know the latest cool slang words and even if I did I'm pretty sure I would seem ridiculous saying them, immediately making them uncool.

I think maybe the biggest thing that's made me aware of my "getting older" status though is watching the people around me get older as well. I mean, I feel pretty much the same as I always have but it's hard to deny the passage of time when people you remember quite vividly meeting when they were first born, and you were in high school, are now old enough to be attending their first prom and others you remember as being scrawny five years olds yesterday are now sporting a full beard. Even Indiana Jones is looking a bit, if not alot, older than I remember, no offense to Harrison Ford.

Although I'm aware of being "older," I'm not saying that I'm "old" or having a midlife crisis or anything. I am the age I am, it just seems weird sometimes because you have your whole life to think, "Oh I'll never be that age!" and then suddenly there you are. But, there's no sense to try and act like I'm perpetually 20 years old. Who needs 20 anyways, now is when I'm in my prime! There's something to be said for the age that I am. For one thing I'm finally getting comfortable in my own skin and it's kind of nice to be okay with yourself as opposed to the that self angst thing that most of us have in younger years. Nice to be free of the compulsion to mess with and redo my hair and makeup incessantly. After a certain point, I can mess with it all I want and unless I hire a professional team, it's not gonna make me look much different. And know what? I'm okay with what I see in the mirror, especially considering I'm a mother of two. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I spend all day schlepping around the house with crazy hair, no makeup and a sweatsuit on. (Well okay, SOME days I do. I think I may have permanently emotionally scarred the FedEx guy one day when he knocked on the door unexpectedly.) But even on those days I feel okay being me. After all, who am I trying to impress? I'm pretty certain my husband would think I'm attractive even if I have two black eyes and am wearing a paper sack, everyone else can just take me or leave me. So, I do what I can to look reasonably nice and guess what? I think I'm better looking in many ways now than I ever was at 20!

I guess it's just nice overall not to have to take myself so seriously all the time like I did when I was younger. If you ask me, the ability to laugh at yourself and be less self-absorbed is a big part of "growing up." (Yes, said without any feeling of irony as I sit and type a whole blog entry all about me!)

So for the most part, I'm digging my new phase. The, "Yes, I'm an adult and I have kids so call me Ma'am and don't bother carding me" era. Although, there are some sobering parts as well. Going to high school reunions and those kinds of thing make you realize the things you meant to do, the goals you set back then, that you have less time to get to now, maybe a sense of your own mortality, but not in a morbid way. I guess I have less of a tendency now to put things off, or think to myself I have plenty of time to do _______, I'll get to it later. I suppose I've lost that sense of "bulletproofness" that comes with the "young adult" and under crowd. Because the truth is you just don't know what's around the corner.

So what do I see around my corner? Well, who can say? But what I do know is that it'll be an adventure, full of ups and downs, learning and earning wisdom, worry, tears, laughing, hugs, you name it. And yes, also the aches and pains that come with getting older. But then, no matter what age I reach, I'll never actually be old.... because I have kids. Yes they have their drawbacks sometimes, they're loud, they're exhausting, they're unreasonable and demanding. But then, it's kids who keep you young. Just when we reach the age when we start to lose touch with what it means to be 8 with an ice cream cone, they come in with their enthusiasm, their naivete, their endless hope, their excitement and we see the world again through their eyes, we remember and get to experience it all for the first time over again. After all, without our children, we would be too "grown up" to get excited about Christmas, we'd have no excuse to carve a pumpkin just for the fun of it, to roll down a grassy hill in summer, we'd be too knowledgeable and cynical to marvel at fireflies in a jar. And then, when our children finally get old enough that they too start to lose that magic we are hopefully blessed with grandchildren...

So, what do I see in my future? What can I expect as I get older?

Here's to my endless childhood....